okay pat passed out under dana's car
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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