this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
