Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
