Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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