At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
