We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
