White coat. Heels.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
