when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize