It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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