i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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