Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
