im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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