The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I want a musical about memes.
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