Buhtt sex?
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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