His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
