I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
