you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize