I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize