I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
