whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
