i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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