the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
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