Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
