Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
