East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
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