i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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