No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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