mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
