Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize