i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
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