Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
