before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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