can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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