That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
