Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
