the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
