It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
