I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Randomize
