Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
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