Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
