i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
