I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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