I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
