While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i came on her dog
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
