beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
