I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
