My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Randomize
