nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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