This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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