oh fat girl friday strikes again...
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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