also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
