dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
