How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
