Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
