It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
