I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
