just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize