I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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