How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
He shit in the fireplace
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
