Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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