I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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