He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
