Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
