party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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