At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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