I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize