Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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