I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
