I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
