Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
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