Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
