woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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