last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
