Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Drunk is not a location!
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize