she's into porn, im staying here tonight
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
