so explain again why im purple
no
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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