I am spending my child support on dildos
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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