Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
