im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
