lets start a swedish sibling band together
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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