whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Randomize
