According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
