some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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