Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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