So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
the liver wants what the liver wants
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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