I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
