He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I just gargled with NyQuil
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
