Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
