Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
