Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
