Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
