making cat noises will not fix the situation.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
