Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
