i just sold back the books i vomitted on
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
