I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
How's work?
Spinning.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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