My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
